Slowly, slowly does it

Yes, another blog. I'm temperamental when it comes to blogs. I try not to be but life often gets in the way and the focus changes or I just can't be bothered writing any more. The last one ended when I was trapped in a hideous grief period mid-last year. I just couldn't, wouldn't write about what happened. I started to but it didn't seem right, having it all out there with my name attached to it. Hiding behind a pseudonym on an American baby site, surrounded by lovely strangers who understood every part of what I was going through seemed to be a more appropriate venue for discussion and support. Slowly I started to open up to people. A year later and I've only just "publicly" acknowledged my late-term pregnancy loss on Facebook. People knew about what happened generally; that I was 20 weeks pregnant and that my baby was a boy. A small handful of friends and all of my family have the details. I might share my story here one day.   

A year has passed now. My grief, for the most part, has shifted and shrunk, although it's still there and likes to make itself known from time to time. I feel more like the old me now than I have in a long time. Grief has made me a better person in some regards, I have much more empathy these days. In others, it has made me worse. My low tolerance for bullshit can sometimes equate to a reluctance to engage with people and make new acquaintances and friendships.

In the last year, I've changed careers (not my brightest move), taken our son on his first overseas trip and seen my favourite band play live in a sports centre in the middle of an industrial zone in Melbourne. Recently I've begun running, intermittent fasting and getting into craft again. A bit of an odd mix but one of my problems is that I haven't been occupied. Or that I have been but allowed myself to get distracted by Candy Crush or some other naff diversion. Beyond work, my boy and home stuff, I didn't make time for doing more interesting and entertaining stuff beyond watching TV and mindlessly playing with my phone. Most of all, I wasn't really looking after myself. I hope to change that. This is why I'm back in blogland.